The Glasgow Gorilla is a rising star in the field of web development, SEO, and internet marketing. So naturally, everyone wants to interview him and learn his secrets! However, he stays so busy making his clients happy, he only rarely grants an interview. Below, is the transcript of a rare interview with the Glasgow Gorilla. It was conducted by Davina Drummond, a reporter for the ICN, the Interspecies Communications Network.
Beginning Of Transcript
Davina: Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. I know how busy you are. May I call you GG for short?
Glasgow Gorilla: You’re welcome Davina. Sure, GG is fine, but for the record, my given name is Chance. What would you like to know?
Davina: Several of your colleagues tell me that they dubbed you the Glasgow Gorilla because of your stellar reputation for being at the top of your field. They all say you are unbeatable… that you are the “King of the Jungle” and that no one else can even touch your skills. Do you agree GG that this is how your nickname came about?
Glasgow Gorilla: Yes, that about sums it up. It wasn’t my idea, and I was a little embarrassed by the nickname at first, but I’ve grown to like it. I do work hard for my clients. No matter what it takes, I take the steps necessary to ensure their success. I make sure they reach every goal they have set and then some. So, if my colleagues want to call me the King of the Jungle, I guess that’s okay with me. Gorillas ARE the King of the Jungle.
Davina: But don’t you think the LION is the King of the Jungle? Everybody says so. There’s even a Disney movie about it, “The Lion King.”
The Glasgow Gorilla lets out a big chuckle.
Glasgow Gorilla: Oh Davina, that’s just a cartoon, not at all reality. In fact, calling the lion the “King of the Jungle” is so fundamentally wrong! Lions don’t even live in the jungle! So.. how could they be King of the Jungle… that doesn’t even make sense!
Davina: What do you mean? I’ve always heard that lions live in the jungle.
Glasgow Gorilla: No, no. Lions live on savannas, wide open grassy areas with few or no trees. I guess you could call them the “King of the Lawn” or the “King of the Savanna” but certainly not the “King of the Jungle!!” The jungle is wilder, more diverse, and MUCH more competitive than the savanna. To rule the jungle, you have to be way more powerful than an overgrown kitty cat!
Davina: GG, are you actually comparing a lion to a ordinary house cat?
Glasgow Gorilla: Davina, if an animal quacks like a duck, it’s a duck, right?
Davina: Well, yes, I suppose so.
Glasgow Gorilla: Well then, if an animal purrs like a kitty cat, it’s a kitty cat!
Davina: I didn’t know that lions purred! Is that actually true?!?
Glasgow Gorilla: Yes, lions purr just like the sweet little feline that sleeps at the foot of your bed.
Davina: You learn something new everyday!
Glasgow Gorilla: All cats purr to varying degrees actually… you pet them, they purr… rub, rub.. purr, purr… and so on… they are awfully cute for four legged beasts that depend on whiskers and a tail to keep their balance.
Davina: So, you actually like lions… don’t you see them as competition?
The Glasgow Gorilla lets out a hearty laugh!
Glasgow Gorilla: Davina, don’t you know that lions are no competition at all for a gorilla! If one starts to get out of line, I just say, “Here kitty, kitty, let me scratch your chin,” and they calm down and purr loud for me. It’s a soothing dulcet sound that can self-hypnotize them. I once had a lion go to sleep in my lap.
Davina: OMG! What did you do?
Glasgow Gorilla: I just let him sleep while I worked on the computer.
Davina: Amazing! By the way, one of your colleagues told me that you are the absolute fastest one around on the keyboard. She said your fingers fly around so fast, they’re like watching a magician perform right in front of you… you see the fingers and hands moving but you can’t really see what they’re doing!
The Glasgow Gorilla lets out another big chuckle.
Glasgow Gorilla: Well that’s another trait that makes the gorilla the TRUE King of the Jungle, not a lion!
Davina: Can you explain more what you mean?
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, gorillas have five fingers on each hand, including an opposable thumb. We also have very good dexterity in our hands. Can you imagine a lion trying to type on the keyboard? He’d just paw around making a mess of things… a lion could never do the intense internet work I do because he doesn’t have the nimble fingers capable of performing complicated intricate tasks.
Davina: But GG, you are an exceptional gorilla, a self-imposed semi-domesticated gorilla. What about the gorillas who live solely in the wild? How does having nimble fingers and an opposable thumb make those wild gorillas the King of the Jungle?
Glasgow Gorilla: That’s easy. Just think about yourself Davina. How would you function if you didn’t have your adroit fingers working for you? You couldn’t use tools! Being able to manipulate things with your hands and use tools is a HUGE advantage! Without your fingers and an opposable thumb, you couldn’t hold your cellphone, drive, or push the record button on that digital recorder. You couldn’t even comb your hair, brush your teeth, or use a fork and spoon!
Davina: Okay, but what’s that got to do with WILD gorillas?
Glasgow Gorilla: Wild gorillas use tools all the time.
Davina: Are you serious? Really?
Glasgow Gorilla: Oh yes. Gorillas use tools all the time. This is an important part of what makes the gorilla the TRUE King of the Jungle. Even the dominant male lion in a pride can’t begin to do what all gorillas do easily.
Davina: GG, you are really changing my view of gorillas! But what kind of “tools” do you mean? Like a hammer and screw driver or what?
The Glasgow Gorilla smiles big!
Glasgow Gorilla: You humans crack me up sometimes! Tools aren’t just found in a toolbox!
Davina: Then can you give me some specific examples of what you mean?
Glasgow Gorilla: Okay. For example, when we want to cross a creek or river, we use a stick to test how deep the water is as we’re walking across. We also use the stick to test how soft the substrate is. This way we don’t end up walking into soft mud that will pull us down and drown us in deeper water! A lion could NEVER do this!
Davina: OMG. I had no idea gorillas could do that! Most humans aren’t even smart enough to do that!
Glasgow Gorilla: Oh yes, we use different sized stick tools for all sorts of other things too. We use big ones for walking sticks so we can cover more area in mountainous terrain. We can also use a large stick to stabilize ourselves on a mudflat while we forage for food.
Davina: That’s astonishing! Tell me more!
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, I know humans seem to think that gorillas are 100 percent herbivorous but that’s not actually true. You see we LOVE to eat insects, especially ants and termites. We use smaller twigs to rustle ants out of holes and dig termites out of decaying wood. Bamboo can be used like cups to get water and carry it back to other gorillas!
Davina: Wow, that’s a really advanced use of tools! I wonder if gorillas can make even more elaborate tools?
Glasgow Gorilla: Certainly we can! For example, gorillas have been known to use fallen branches and logs to build bridges over water. In fact, sometimes we even use logs to build steps.
Davina: That is incredibly smart and certainly nothing a lion would be capable to doing!
Glasgow Gorilla: No, lions could never do that and you’re touching on another major advantage gorillas have over lions that make us the TRUE King of the Jungle!
Davina: Okay, I’ll bite… what are you referring to?
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, gorillas are super smart! All gorillas have a high encephalization quotient (EQ)…. and some gorillas are totally off the charts!
Davina: What is an “encephalization quotient?”
Glasgow Gorilla: It’s basically a measure of IQ, something that scientists use that relates to how much mass the brain has compared to the mass of the whole body.
Davina: So you’re telling me that gorillas have a high IQ compared to lions and other animals?
Glasgow Gorilla: Definitely. We’re right up there with hominids and dolphins! Not only are we smart, we have creativity and the ability for highly logical reasoning. Not only do we have a high EQ, we also have an exceptionally large brain overall. Some scientists think this is an even more important predictor of IQ.
Davina: Okay, you’ve convinced me… so you have the lion beat on brains… but what about brawn? Surely to be King of the Jungle, you need strength and speed too?
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, it’s true that at top speed a lion has a running speed of 81 kilometers per hour (50 miles per hour) while a gorilla can only reach about half that speed. But… the old expression, “Work smart, not hard,” springs to mind. Lions may be physically faster but they are certainly no where near as mentally fast! They’re operating more on instinct and we operate through advanced intelligence. We are able to think things though and develop strategies that can out maneuver even the fastest animals on Earth.
Davina: What about pure strength?
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, lions are REALLY strong but gorillas are way stronger! In fact, some people say that a gorilla’s long forearms are as strong as a machine!
Davina: How much stronger is a gorilla than a lion?
Glasgow Gorilla: Quite a bit stronger! In fact, it’s not even close! A lion can carry around 500 pounds (226.8 Kilograms) whereas a gorilla can carry around 2000 pounds (907.18474 Kilograms)! So, gorillas can carry about 4 times more than lions!
Davina: Wow, that’s impressive. I’ll remember to never get into a dispute with a gorilla!
Glasgow Gorilla: Gorillas are relatively peaceful, another advantage actually since it helps us get along with other species. We only use our great physical strength in self-defense or in defense of their pride. However, if you give us a good reason, we could very easily overpower a human. In fact, gorillas could easily lift the weight of ten or more humans! For comparison, think about how difficult it is for one adult human to carry just one other adult human! Bottom line, gorillas are super strong, much stronger than most people know. This is why this business about the lion being King of the Jungle is just so silly!! Yes, a lion could easily overpower a human but never a gorilla unless it was very sick or very young. Even then, a lion would have to be pretty lucky to win that battle.
Davina: Well GG, I know how busy you are so I don’t want to take up too much more of your time. Is there anything else you’d like to add as to why the gorilla is the King of the Jungle, not the lion?
Glasgow Gorilla: Well Davina, there’s actually a lot more I could add but I’ll leave you with one final point, a really important one in fact.
The Glasgow Gorilla lifts up his foot to show it to Davina.
Davina: What are you doing GG?
Glasgow Gorilla: Take a close look Davina. What do you see?
The Glasgow Gorilla starts to wiggle all his “toes” for Davina. He then picks up his coffee cup with his “toes” and takes a sip as easily as any human would do with their fingers and hand.
Davina: OMG! I never realized it before but your foot looks more like a hand! Your toes look more like fingers. You’ve even got an opposable thumbs on your feet! That is absolutely amazing!
Glasgow Gorilla: That’s right, gorillas basically have 4 hands and 4 opposable thumbs! That’s two more than humans have! Now, do you still think that the lion with 4 clumsy feet and no agile fingers and no opposable thumbs could possible be the King of the Jungle!
Davina: Well, no I don’t think so anymore! Gorillas seem to have all the physical trails and mental abilities to easily be considered the King of the Jungle.
Glasgow Gorilla: You’re right, gorillas have lions beat altogether and back! It’s silly to even think of the lion as the King when the gorilla is so obviously better suited to be King!
Davina shakes her head in agreement.
Davina: Well GG, thank you for the great interview…
Glasgow Gorilla: Why don’t you come in my office before you leave. There’s one more thing I want to show you… something you’d probably never believe unless I show you in person.
Davina: You certainly know how to pique a reporter’s curiosity!
Davina follows the Glasgow Gorilla into his office. There’s a typical L-shaped desk like the ones found in many business offices. However, there IS one thing quite strange about the Glasgow Gorilla’s office.
Glasgow Gorilla: Well, here it is… here is where most of my best ideas originate and where most of the work I do gets done. What do you think?
Davina laughs as she looks around and sees the cluttered mess.
Davina: Looks pretty much like mine! Except…. why do you have TWO computers?
Glasgow Gorilla: I wondered if you’d notice that. Let me show you how I work when I get really busy.
The Glasgow Gorilla sits down in his office chair and begins to type on the keyboard in front of him. Then, at the same time, he flips his legs over and uses his “feet,” his second pair of “hands,” to type on the other keyboard!! Davina watches in amazement!
Davina: You’re right… I would have never believed it without seeing it! So you can actually work on two tasks, two projects, at the same time?
Glasgow Gorilla: Yes… and so can my wild cousins! It’s another major advantage gorillas have that make us the TRUE King of the Jungle! 4 HANDS instead of 4 paws. If you want an overgrown kitty cat to purr you to sleep, then look to the lion. However, if you want a superior beast, capable of doing extraordinary things, look to the gorilla!
End Of Transcript
As you can see from the interview above that the idea of the lion being the King of the Jungle is actually a misnomer because lions don’t even live in the jungle. There is one exception for one lion subspecies that lives in Southeast Asia but the vast majority of lions live in the wide open grasslands that don’t even resemble a jungle.
Gorillas should be called the King of the Jungle for many other reasons too. They have superior intellect, and in fact, are one of the smartest animals on Earth. Physically, gorillas are far more powerful than lions but they also have the sense to only use that incredible strength when necessary. They also have highly dextrous fingers and hands with an opposable thumb. This, along with their immense intellect, allows them to use various objects as tools and to use their fingers as tools. They even have an extra set of “hands” as the digits on their feet are just as dextrous as the digits on their hands.
Long live the GORILLA, the true King of the Jungle!
